Joined: May 25, 2003 Posts: 4752 Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 7:10 pm Post subject:
(made this sticky just because I reread it from the beginning and once again laughed my ass off...the fact I was investigating local moz compilation helped too...if this play isn't the acme of "random whatnot" I don't know what is (no, I'm not referring to acme the grocery store) )
ed
/i'm glad you appreciate fine wine, have another glass
Joined: Nov 21, 2005 Posts: 1285 Location: Witless Protection Program
Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 5:51 pm Post subject:
That JakeOSX is some GREAT story teller.
This is the second/third/? time that he has seen into the future (and it's ... toooo funny! ).
jakeOSX wrote:
<snip>
N: Look, we are not the bad guys.
O: So, what are you three talking about over there?
All three: ONE MINUTE
NI: I don't want to be the bad guys.
NL: I am too young to be evil
NI: I'd have been someone else's clone if I knew you were the bad guy
NL: I'm just a side kick, really, doesn't that make this your fault? (points to Neo)
N: STOP! We aren't the bad guys. (Pause) but you are right, they do have nice outfits.
NL: So now what? . . .
After reading the latest <rant> over at Marketing OpenOffice I've decided that "I don't want to be <one of> the bad guys." I DON"T! It's not fair, I'm kinda a nice guy and I <don't> want to to be part of the "perfectly organized - hypocrisis".
I just came here to get a cool "aqua" OOo outfit to wear on my Mac, purge myself of Microsoft, and get some real work done - I did NOT sign up be one of the bad guys! Really!
Philip (I'm not, Not, NOT a bad GUY. maybe lame, but that's all I'll agree to! )
\ Yes, I think Philip is ranting again.
\\ Don't stare directly at him and maybe he will go away
\\\ <edits> to correct ... freudian slips
Last edited by LemonAid on Mon Jun 12, 2006 11:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
Joined: Nov 21, 2005 Posts: 1285 Location: Witless Protection Program
Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 11:10 pm Post subject:
OPENSTEP wrote:
If you're really not evil, why is your avatar wearing an eyepatch? After all, it kinda looks like a pirate...and that reminds me of the pirate bay...
I, however, have a goatee and ponytail so I believe by default that makes me evil. And I'm certainly not gonna shave anytime soon.
ed
OK, I was so excited about picking an avatar that my fingers ... bounced off the keyboard and . . . poked me in the eye!
Don't buy that? How about - All the "good" ones were already taken!
Did I say that "Ed" made me pick that one?
And "I don't know no-thing about no stinky ... pirate" (or bay).
I, however have (mostly) white hair and a white beard. I look so much like Santa (did I mention that am a ... round, jolly fellow ) that a do Santa gigs during Christmas.
I'm NOT bad, not, Not, Not
Philip ( could lose my Santa-in-training status if I'm found to be one of the "bad" guys. )
/.ers
In cyberspace, no one can hear you scream at your computer
(peaceful day, birds chirping, butterflies flying, cats and dogs laying together in harmony. NeoOffice is laying out in the grass, enjoying the serenity.)
NeoOffice: What a day.
(phone rings, Neo picks it up without opening his eyes)
N: Beautiful day here.
Trinity.forums.neooffice.org: (garbled)
(NeoOffice sits up)
N: Trinity?
Trinity: Neo! I.. (screams)
(Neo curses at his phone, trying to get Trinity back. He stands and starts running back towards his home)
N: (on phone) Intel, you there?
NeoOffice Intel: Yo, wassabi?
N: Trinity is down, we gotta move!
NI: What? I'm on it, you get here.
(Neo runs into the house where NeoIntel and NeoLight are working on several terminals.)
Neo: How is she?
NeoLight: Her vitals are low, dangerously low.
NI: Oh no...
Neo and NL: What?
NI: She.... she was slashdotted.
(dramatic music. It becomes a dark night all of a sudden, the three are now in an industrial complex dressed as space marines)
NL: What is that on the horizon?
(The three look out over the walls. There are figures of all shapes and sizes stumbling towards the walls. Their numbers are growing with each moment)
N: /.ers, NeoLight, Posters.
/.1: FRIST POST HAHAHAHAH!
NI: It has started!!
(The three move into defensive postions)
/.er2: Java is slow!
N: On it! (Neo starts firing)
/.er3: OpenOffice.org is BLOATWARE
NI: Mine!
/.4: Macs are for losers
NL: So mine (throws grenade. Waits a second, throws second)
(The three see something in the horizon, Neo grabs binoculars)
N: Oh. God.
NI: What? (takes binoculars) Dear Lord...
N: Goatse.
(NeoIntel slowly lowers the binoculars)
NI: You sure we can handle this?
NL: Let me see. (takes binoculars from NeoTel)
(pause)
NL: Whoa
N: Gimme those, you are too young to see that stuff. And yes (turning to NI) we have to.
NI: With what? Our good looks?
/.er5: Good looks?? NeoOffice is UGLY looks like..
NI: (shoots /.er5, cutting him off) I hate that guy! I CAN FUCKING PRINT YOU JACKASS!
N: I have an idea!
(Neo runs inside)
/.er6: Communist Russia thinks you suck!
(NeoLight and NeoTel shoot more)
NL: They are still coming!
/.er7: I LIKE DIGG BETTER
NI: Leave him, the others will eat him for us.
NL: Seriously, Slashdot is so much better.
NI: You think so? Even with the new categories in Digg?
NL: Man you can't beat the original.
NI: So true, so true.
/.er8: See, the problem isn't that it runs on java, the problem is that this comment is going to be eight pages long and really really sound like i know what i am talking about. Really. Just keep reading, you'll see... (click to read the rest of this comment)
NL: Dude.
NI: (looking in binoculars again) Whatever you are doing Neo, better do it soon! Goatse is almost here!!
N: I'm working, almost done!!
(the mob of /.ers are almost upon them, NeoLight and NeoTel fire more and more)
NL: I'm out! (NeoLight starts using his gun as a club)
NI: NEO!
N: DONE!
(Suddenly the mob stops. They all turn and rush away)
NI: What the?
NL: Whoa, what did you do?
N: (walks back out) Oh, I submitted an article to Slashdot about the RIAA, they'll be busy for a long time.
Wonderful as usual, Jake! Between Alpha 4 and OOoCon, I was wondering how long it would take for a new installment...but lo, it was perennial favorite /. that brought us here....
(I don't get the Goatse bit--is it related to sheepfun avatars?--but still worth a great laugh )
Smokey _________________ "[...] whether the duck drinks hot chocolate or coffee is irrelevant." -- ovvldc and sardisson in the NeoWiki
Joined: May 25, 2003 Posts: 4752 Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 10:02 am Post subject:
Jake you are *hilarious*! That is amazing. The digg troll is awesome I don't think I've ever seen a more brilliantly spun usage of nearly all of the various /. cliches in the book!!!!!
On goatse...well, it's a vile porn link that is still used by /. trolls to try to trick people into clicking it and seeing, well, something that no one really ever wants to see. Wikipedia linky (and no, thankfully, the goatse man picture is not up on that page...you really really really don't want to see it).
Joined: Oct 24, 2005 Posts: 561 Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 10:16 am Post subject:
I'll post this suggestion here 'cos I think its to frivolous for where it should be!
Why not use jakeOSX's scripts for OOoCon 2006! There sounds like there'll be a few Neo'ers at the convention to take the parts, and ericb could always be approached to play the part of OpenOffice!
Joined: May 25, 2003 Posts: 4752 Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 4:04 pm Post subject:
I had already asked (and received permission) for a public reading of Jake's play at OOoCon Tentatively I'm hoping to do it during one of the Neo drinkfests and perhaps even try to podcast it (although I don't own an iPod that can record...so I guess it's a misnomer...).
I just want to be able to do the voiceover for the "hey jackass, I moved to Paris" line since that is truly one of the funniest things I have ever read.
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).
It's not fair, I'm kinda a nice guy and I <don't> want to to be part of the "perfectly organized - hypocrisis".
)
) that a do Santa gigs during Christmas. 
)
I don't think I've ever seen a more brilliantly spun usage of nearly all of the various /. cliches in the book!!!!!