Never mess with a Crazy Ed on a motorcycle.

[OPENSTEP]

Ok, so yesterday i come home from work and had ridden my motorcycle and was wearing my normal yellow jacket and helmet, black pants motorcycle garb. The lights were off in the house since I had been expecting to come home earlier. I also haven't bothered leaving the front porch light on all day since I didn't want to waste electricity. Well, I was caught in traffic on the highway longer then expected and by the time I get home it's dark. I pull up onto Valerio (the street where I live), onto a point where the curb lowers down. I turn off my bike like usual and pull up on the sidewalk, ready to go off to wheel it up to my gate, up to the fountain by the front door and park it. I get 1/3 of the way to the gate, and two guys suddenly run out from the property through the front gate. I scream "what the fuck are you doing on my property? stop", and they take off around the corner.

I crank my motorcycle engine over and chase them.

So i'm tearing ass on my motorcycle through the sidewalks of Santa Barbara. The little fuckers split up, so I have to follow just one of them. We turn onto Arellagga and this punk is darting across the street between parked cars and the like, but of course I'm on a motorcycle. I can maneuver like it's my job. I can just go over and up over curbs no problem and keep right on him.

The first time i corner him is by the watanabe dental studio, one block away from where i live. He looks like a punk kid. I ask him what the fuck he was doing on my property and why he ran away and he's like "we were just chilling out on your porch. nothing". Yeah right. If it was nothing, why did he run? So i tell him to wait and i whip out the cell phone and proceed to start dialing 911. Needless to say, it is difficult to use a cell phone while wearing a motorcycle helmet. I have to stick the phone into the helmet itself and I accidentally hang up on 911 a few times. So as i'm having difficulty, and he realizes i'm calling the cops, he decides takes off again.

This time he runs past multiple people on the sidewalk, whom I have to avoid. Even after screaming to them to stop this kid they don't. Welcome to America, the land where we really help each other.

I chase him down again and corner him, this time half a block away. Again I do the "are you going to stay now?" routine and start trying to call 911 again. While I'm on the phone and finally get a connection, I start describing that I'm reporting trespassers and a possible break in...and he starts making a motion like he's going to bolt again.

So I cut him off and nudge him with the motorcycle on his leg.

That seemed to get his attention.

He sat right the fuck down with that "deer in the headlights" look and got to stare at the brights of my motorcycle for 20 minutes (!) until the cops came. Go quick law enforcement response.

Of course, he's a juvenile, so the cops can't even friggin give me his name. The cops did take him to the station but released him to parental custody. Apparently he did give up the name of the other person that was with him and they took him into the station as well. I'm going to call again tomorrow and see what the cops dug up. On the plus side, there was no damage to the property or evidence that they were trying to break in...so maybe they were just "hanging out".

I doubt they'll be hanging out here any more...and hopefully are afraid of super-heroes clad in bumblebee outfits

ed

[OPENSTEP]

Shit, realized the clock was off on the server...

This ain't no april fools joke. I can mete out the SB Police case number for any doubters...and am not looking forward to having to convince my landlord to split the costs of installing an alarm since he won't let me get a dog

ed